You may have recently discovered that your spouse has been cheating on you. Now, you’re left to wonder what went wrong, and how they could do this to you. Spouses stray for a number of reasons— or with a number of excuses, rather. You might not have asked ‘why’ yet, or maybe you did and aren’t satisfied with their answer. Ultimately, in our line of work, we’ve heard every excuse in the book. But, there are a consistent few that come up over and over again. You’re hurting right now, and searching for answers, and while these might not be it— they might help you understand and come to terms with the decision your spouse made. That way, you can start healing.
When Spouses Stray: Common Excuses for Adultery
Retaliation
Maybe you and your spouse have been arguing on and off for some time now. But one day, it went South pretty quickly. Maybe there was name-calling, loud words, and hurtful truths. Then, after the brunt of it, your spouse left to ‘cool off’. But, instead of cooling off, they might have sought out a means of hurting you just like you hurt them. Being spiteful is not a proper way to handle your emotions, but, it is a common way for some to handle hurt feelings.
Missing Out
You might have been married for some time now. Things aren’t as they were before two kids, a mortgage, and no time alone. For this reason, many long-time spouses will begin to wonder what’s out there for them. They’ve been out of the game for a long time now, and suddenly— it strikes them that their prime has past. So, as a means of proving to themselves that they’ve ‘still got it’, some spouses stray. That feeling of missing out, especially later in life, can be haunting. So, stepping out on their spouse begins to pale in comparison.
Sexual Desire
As we discussed in the last section, things aren’t as they were back in the day. You’re both more frequently distracted, and sexual desire may dip as a consequence. This can cause a lot of issues in a marriage, due to the fact that most everyone wants to be sexually desired in some capacity. Self-esteem is a component of everyone’s thinking and self-worth. Therefore, when sex gets put on the back burner for one person in a relationship— the other might search for that feeling in other places.
There is no real justification for cheating on your spouse…
It’s important that you understand there is no justifying their actions. Your spouse has done a terrible thing to you, and to your family. We are merely delivering to you, the common excuses that come up. Many spouses will cheat, and then immediately begin to doubt their decision. They will tell you, apologize, and promise to never do this again if you stay. Ultimately, you have a decision to make— and the first step in that is understanding the problem. We extend our condolences for this terrible time in your life, and offer our services if you find that you might need them. You don’t have to go through this alone.
