When it comes to divorce talk, there’s really no easy way to tell your spouse you want a divorce. While you both may suspect the marriage is over, actually saying the words can be challenging. So how do you approach such a sensitive subject? Here’s some tips for requesting divorce.
Requesting Divorce: Tips for Telling Your Spouse
Have Your Mind Made Up
By the time you talk to your spouse about divorce, you need be positive that it is what you want. After breaking the news, your spouse may try to convince you it’s not what you need to do. Or they may attempt to guilt you into staying. In order to stand strong against these efforts, you want to already know what you really want. If you know that, it’s easier to resist any last efforts from your spouse.
Know If It Will Come As a Shock
Sure, your marriage has probably been going downhill for some time. Perhaps, you and your spouse both feel it. You’re distant, arguing a lot, maybe sleeping in separate rooms. So you both know what’s coming, right? Not always. Even in these cases, your spouse may think you’ll get through it. That it’s just a rough patch. Or maybe they just think you won’t ever leave. The point is, requesting divorce may still come as a shock, no matter how obvious it seems that the marriage is over. So take that into consideration before mentioning divorce. If you think it will be shocking, let them know you want to talk about a serious matter. Give them time to understand that you need to have a serious conversation.
Don’t Attack Your Spouse
When requesting divorce, you may feel the need to defend your desire for ending things. In fact, your spouse may ask you why or where this is coming from. When you give your answer, try to avoid attacking your spouse. If it is because of a major issue–such as their infidelity– let them know that. But don’t go into attack mode and list all the things they did wrong. Instead, try to keep your emotions in check. And comprise a list of reasons you know divorce is the right answer for you, before ever having the conversation.
Speak Clearly But Don’t Defend Yourself
By the time you are requesting divorce, you know it’s what you want. You’ve thought about it, know your reasons for ending things, and know it’s the right decision. So speak clearly and honestly with your spouse about why you want a divorce. But then, leave it at that. You don’t need to spend hours hashing out old arguments and fights. Once you’ve given your reasons, you don’t need to defend yourself and your choice.
In short, requesting divorce can be a hard thing to do. Those are words you can’t take back. And even if the marriage has been over for some time, this puts ending it into motion. So be sure it’s what you want, then stand firm in your decision.
