After the finalization of custody agreements, most parents get to see their children at least part of the time. Usually it’s weekends or every other week, but there’s usually a home base for the kids and then a house they go to sometimes. If you are the parent that gets the kids on the weekends or on long breaks, it’s easy to become the “fun” parent. Think of which parent, if either, doesn’t enforce a bed time or allows ice cream for breakfast. This post-divorce overcompensation can lead to an unfair preference in parents.
Post-Divorce Overcompensation and Resulting Issues
Overcompensation is just another way to say someone is trying too hard. Post-divorce overcompensation is quick way to get on your ex’s bad side. When co-parenting, it is important to remember that you and your ex are still a team. Intentionally trying to undermine the general rules and routines children have will result in behavioral issues or confusion for the children.
Post-Divorce overcompensation can be big or small
Toys and gifts for no reason during every visit will become an expectation. Eventually this could cause distaste for the other parent. Additionally, deliberate disruptions in routines or bed times will show the children there is a lack of respect for these routines. Eventually, the over-compensating parent will become a push-over who allows anything to happen. While it may sound extreme, children are impressionable and these small actions can mean a lot later in life.
How to Avoid Post-Divorce Overcompensation
If you are noticing post-divorce overcompensation beginning within yourself or your ex, there are solutions. Many times, freshly divorced parents spoil their children. Children should not expect gifts in any form from either parent. If the children are young, they may not notice the change in tempo regarding gifts. If they do notice and are upset, just simply explain to them that they are still loved. This is a good time to instill in them that gifts do not equal love.
If you and your ex follow different rules, it is possible to work together to avoid post-divorce overcompensation. Communicating and being open about your expectations will help you co-parent.
Taking a step back
By becoming aware of the effect your actions are having on your children will help in trying to address post-divorce overcompensation. It is crucial that your children know that both parents love them and that the gifts are not to gain extra love. At the end of the day, children love you, gifts or not.
