Bringing up divorce with your spouse is no easy task. However, what many parents find even harder is talking divorce to their kids. While this might be a difficult conversation to have, there are ways you can make it just a bit easier on them…
Talking Divorce & Sharing the News
Wait for the right time
Talking divorce isn’t something you have to do right away. In fact, the timing of your talk is just as important as what you say. If you pick a poor time to tell your kids you’re divorcing, it can end up just making an already unfortunate situation for them even worse. After all, you want to minimize the amount of possible divorce-related trauma they might experience.
Don’t break the news to them as soon as you decide to divorce. Instead, spend some time together with them as a family, at least for a day or so to give them a bit of a buffer. Plus, make sure you tell them at an appropriate time and place.
Do it together
It’s important to remember that divorce is still a two-person endeavor. Therefore, talking divorce should also be the same. It can seem easier to have one of you break the news to the kids, and maybe not tell them all at once. Perhaps you might tell the oldest first, and wait a little longer to tell the younger ones.
While this can seem okay on paper, in practice it usually doesn’t work. Having only one of you tell the kids can make it seem like it’s either your or your spouse’s fault to the kids. Also, not telling all of them only creates stress for the ones you have told to keep things a secret. It’s a much better idea to talk to all of them together.
Know what to say
In terms of talking divorce, making the actual announcement can be the easiest part. Your kids don’t need a detailed description about the problems your marriage had. Just keep it to a simple statement that you tried to make things work, but it didn’t pan out and so you’re divorcing.
The harder part comes when your kids react to the news. First, make sure you let them know it isn’t their faults. Then, be sure to be positive and comforting. This news can be pretty heavy, so your kids need some reassurance about your love for them, and how things won’t really change all that much.
