You and your spouse might have been sacrificing yourselves for a long time. Many times, when a couple has younger children— they will hold off on divorce in an attempt to spare their children from such a traumatic experience. However, what you might not realize, is that a toxic marriage can be even more difficult than a divorce when it comes to your little ones. You want them to have a strong idea of what it means to be a family, to be a spouse, and to build a family. You might think that’s what you’re doing, however, in many cases where a couple is ‘sticking it out for the kids’, they tend to portray the opposite of those things.
Toxic Marriage: How It Can Be Worse Than Divorce for Your Kids
Uttering the word ‘divorce’ to your kids is one of every parents’ worst nightmares. However, a divorce isn’t necessarily the end of the world. Upsetting— sure. But, sticking it out— and sacrificing yourselves in exchange for maintaining the home, can be even more stressful and upsetting.
You are supposed to protect your children, but that shouldn’t always come at the cost of your own well-being, happiness, and safety
There are plenty of instances where you put your child above yourself. But, there are some when you have to consider yourself first. The main instance of this, is when it comes to your marriage. Your children are the center of your universe, but they aren’t the universe in it’s entirety. There are some things that are sacred, and personal decisions. Deciding to divorce is absolutely one of those.
You want your children to understand what a strong, healthy relationship looks like…
…And a toxic marriage is the exact opposite of that. Part of being a parent, is being a role model. So, you have to think “what would I hope for my children in this scenario?” You would want them to be happy; to choose their happiness for once in this family. So, you have to honor that, and create something worth modeling after in your children. A divorce, at the time, can be traumatic for your children, and they might be angry. But, as they get older, they’ll begin to understand that you made a brave and justifiably selfish choice that made you a better person and parent.
Your children can handle it, I promise
Children are resilient, compassionate creatures who deserve the very best of their parents. And maybe, for you, that means being co-parents and not spouses. Your kids will be fine. With time, and life experience, they will have to become problem solvers, critical thinkers, and adults with coping skills. Coping with divorce will help them develop these skills, learn how to talk about them, and how to process emotions.
A divorce does not have to be a bad thing
A divorce can be an experience with a happy ending. Your children will survive, they’ll move on, and so will you. Life is about making those tough choices and learning from them. Show your kids that you are willing to make this change, even if it’s hard, to make everyone’s life better in the long run. With time, I guarantee they’ll come to understand and appreciate your decision. We wish you luck as you move forward, and offer our services if you might need them.
