Parenting after a divorce can be tough on both of you, and your kids. You have a unique challenge in front of you, and one that many parents face: you must figure out how to be good parents, collaborators, but also move on with your life. Co-parenting can be tough, especially if things left off sour. So, we’re here to offer an alternative. Parallel parenting. A parallel parenting style is a bit different than co-parenting, and it might work better for you— depending on your preferences…
Parallel Parenting Style: How it Differs from Co-Parenting
First, what’s co-parenting?
If you’re unfamiliar with these terms, we’ve got your back. Co-parenting means both parents take equal responsibility, engagement, and communicate effectively when it comes to the kids. The main difference between parallel and co-parenting, is the way communication goes down. In co-parenting, you have to be cohesive and actively engaged with your co-parent. This continues basically until the child can go back and forth on their own between the two of you.
Now, what’s parallel parenting?
Taking a parallel parenting style, is a bit more formal and business-like. Instead of communicating on a personal level, direct contact is kept to a minimum. You set an agreement, follow it exactly, and any changes are issues in writing. Essentially, in this agreement, you are business partner and the child is your messenger. You have an agreement, and a child, and other than that, there is no contact whatsoever.
Which method should I choose?
Ultimately, these two styles exist for two different types of situations. There is no right answer for everyone, instead, you have to decide based on your scenario. If you can co-parent healthfully, it’s absolutely the route to take. It’s more collaborative, it shows your children how to problem solve in adult situations. However, you might not be able to do so. Maybe your spouse cheated or slighted you in some way, so this is the best route to take.
Everyone is different, and their preferred method will vary. However, these are two very viable options. It all depends on what you’re comfortable with. However, no matter the route you decide to take— your child is your priority. But, that is not to say that you have to put all of your feelings aside all of the time. You’re a parent, but also a human being. So, choose an agreement that’s beneficial to your kids, but also spares your feelings. The key here is that you have a few good options, and you can make that choice and stick to it.
