It’s easy to have ill-will when you’re dealing with a soon-to-be-ex, STBX for short. Chances are, you have some unresolved feelings about how your divorce went down, and know— you have a ton of things to say. However, withholding those blames, requests, name callings, and the likes can be quite productive. Taking the higher ground can make proceedings move more quickly, can save you time, and the potential for their taking revenge in mediation. Anything can happen, and we understand your frustrations. But, it might just be worth holding back in the end.
Taking the Higher Ground With Your STBX: What Not to Say During This Tough Time
“You’re a real (insert insult here)”
Insulting your STBX is the very definition of not taking the higher ground. Ultimately, those angry words aren’t going to get you anywhere productive. Especially if you’re in the process of separating. Your anger might result in longer proceedings, their attempt to take more, and could negatively effect custody. Ultimately, calling names sets a poor example for your kids, and won’t get you anywhere positive.
“Once more for old times sake?”
Under no circumstances should you sleep with your to-be ex spouse. This can re-open old wounds, confuse your feelings, and can actually hurt your chances of being granted divorce. In some states, such as South Carolina— they take marriage and divorce quite seriously. So, if you’re still engaging in sexual activity, they might choose to deny. Aside from legal ramifications, it really can cause much confusion. A separation can cause a lot of different emotions, and for some, it can remind you of exactly why you wanted to be together. So, if you want to re-engage, it might be worth holding off on that divorce…
“The kids said they’d rather be with me”
Seriously Mom and Dad… don’t pull this stunt. Putting your children in between two divorcing parents is non-productive, can cause resentment, can harm your custody chances, and puts your children in the middle of something they have no understanding of. Using your children as a means of getting leverage, or hurting your STBX, is not right. If you’re considering this measure, consider being on the other side of it before you choose to do so.
“This is all your fault”
Ultimately, in most scenarios, it takes two to tango. Barring adultery, or something of the like, a divorce often has two parties who have done wrong. Maybe you both broke vows, fell out of love, or you’re just unhappy together. In any occasion, it’s typically never all one person’s fault. This is not time to re-hash the past, or re-open those wounds. Instead, use it as a chance to heal as people. You two know each other better than anyone else, so, consider relying on each other just a bit. You know this is tough for both of you, consider that before you spew harmful words.
