That first night after a separation can be tough. You’re on the road to divorce, you’re not used to so much quiet, and your mind can have trouble settling down. If you’re staying in the family home, you’re likely surrounded by fond old memories, maybe a few kids who are confused too, and you’re wondering what to do with yourself. The good news is, you ultimately have the freedom to do whatever you want (depending on the kids). But, there are a few things that maybe you shouldn’t do. Even from this very starting point, you must begin the journey to re-discovering yourself, and healing. So, we’ve made you a list of things to do, and not to do, on this first night on your own…
First Night After Separation: Do’s and Don’ts For Your Quiet Evening
What Should I Not Do?
First things first, you should not download a dating app. A few weeks or months from now? Sure. But, your head isn’t in the right space at this moment, and that’s a guarantee. You’re likely starting to think of what your life looks like from now on. You have a lot of questions, concerns, and wants for this next phase in your life. But, don’t start planning tonight. Let yourself sit idle for a moment.
Don’t hit up your high school/college ex-boyfriend/girlfriend on Facebook. This kind of goes hand in hand with the dating app thing. However, it’s a bit worse. Think about it: that ex is probably either married, divorced, or looking a lot different than the man/woman you remember. Reveling in high school fantasies is likely just going to lead to disappointment. Not to mention, just further thinking about your situation as you consider why it is that you’re messaging them in the first place.
Don’t revel in those old memories. Now is not the time to think about where it all went wrong. Tonight is a tough one, but while it is the end of the something— it’s the beginning of something new as well! Take pride in that. You made a change for you, and it will be difficult. But, worth it.
So, What Should I do?
Get comfy. Pour yourself up a glass of wine, a beer, a bubble bath, some loud music, or find a good movie. Do all of the things you want to do, but don’t usually get around to doing. This first night can be tough, or it can help you figure out what it is that makes you happy and comfortable. Enjoy the quiet, or the loud— whatever you prefer. But most importantly: eat all of the ice cream…
Choose a method of company that isn’t intimate. Invite a few girlfriends over, ask to borrow your neighbors dog or cat, snuggle your kids, or find company in a good movie. The key here is to not sit idle in your thoughts. Find that comfortable company wherever you see fit. After all, you have plenty of options.
If you get too far down, make yourself a list of accomplishments and easy goals.
You might find yourself weeping over a sappy movie scene, and if you do turn that junk off. It’s time to get out of those sad feelings and feel better about yourself. Make yourself a list. Whether it be of things you’ve accomplished so far, or your goals for the next week. The key is to think locally. Writing down ‘buy a Maserati with my exes trust fund’ probably isn’t realistic. But hey, whatever makes you feel better. An obtainable list is a good place to start for growth.
You have a lot of growth left in front of you, and this is a starting point. It can be as challenging or celebrational as you make it!
